Genuine Love

It is a truth universally acknowledged, that any gay man in a relationship longer than two years, must not be getting laid enough. And so, the notion of getting your sexual need met night after night just because you now have a boyfriend is really, a huge misconception, if not an urban legend.

But, if you are still having mind-blowing, soul-shattering, sex every night with the same man, after a couple of years together, then congratulations, you deserve a medal. Seriously.

Sex with my boyfriend waned gradually after two years for reasons that I won't divulge here. Other gay men who had heard of it often wondered, with raised eyebrows, how I, or my boyfriend, had survived in this asexual, almost a decade long, relationship which some homosexuals may find disastrous.

In fact, some had quite frankly told me, though not quite in my face, while chatting, that "He is not a boyfriend. No. Not without sex." But, if you have been with someone for 9 years, or longer, then you'll realize that there is more than just sex in a relationship. 

The day I found out the sms that's suggestive of my boyfriend's infidelity, I could have kicked up a fuss the force of a Richter scale-10 earthquake. There could only be two reasons why if I had made such a scene out of it: 1) being a bonafide drama queen, 2) I wanted to end the relationship. But I didn't. I had my emotional limbs in check and trodden the dark hours carefully.

We had a good talk before bed. And at the end of it, he said, relaxed, "You know, this is the best conversation we ever had after being so long together."  Before that, I assured him that I would not, under any circumstances, be leaving him. But he, had the absolute freedom of walking out the bedroom door, if he thought that the guy who sent him the amorous text was the one he would rather be with. That night, I'd made a choice: to be together Till -- well -- Death Do Us Part.

It was a conscious decision without the influence of the irrational, adrenalin rush of a newborn relationship. And I'd like to believe this clear-mindedness is the manifestation of "Love", because here is a quote from M. Scott Peck, the author of the book, "The Road Less Traveled" -- a book, me and my boyfriend happened to be reading at the same time when we met each other 9 years ago after September 11,

"Genuine love is volitional rather than emotional. The person who truly loves does so because of a decision to love. This person has made a commitment to be loving whether or not the loving feeling is present...Conversely, it is not possible but necessary to a loving person to avoid acting on feelings of love."